Ask For Honest Feedback

We all want to know how others see us. We all can grow by getting advice from others, learning from what they know. But how do we do this?

Asking for honest feedback, from the right people in the right way, can be a powerful way to grow. You can ask for specific feedback – say, having someone read your English paper, or give you advice on how to resolve a problem in a friendship – or you can ask for general feedback, asking for them to help you see your strengths and help you keep growing in an area that is not yet strong.

When you get feedback, you still are in control. You don’t have to do what the person said, and you may disagree with them. Think of it as food for thought. If you ask for feedback often enough, you might start to see patterns that help you know yourself better, and that give hints about how to become an even better version of yourself.

Getting Started:

General or Specific Feedback? Decide if you would like feedback on a specific question, or if you’re interested more in general feedback. If you choose general feedback, decide on a clear question to ask. For example: Could you help me identify two strengths of mine, and also one area that I could work to turn into a strength? Or: For me to be my best self, what do you think I should do more of and what should I do less of?
Who will you ask? Make sure you ask someone you trust, who knows you relatively well, and who will not turn their feedback into a demand. You still should be in charge of what to do with the feedback. For example, feedback from a parent can be awesome because they know you so well, but if you think you might get annoyed with what they say, then it may be better to ask someone else. Think of other adults who know you well, like teachers, coaches, mentors, or of friends or slightly older students who know you well.
Ask & Reflect. Ask at least two people, because it might be interesting if they say the same thing or see you in a different way. Then, take some time to reflect on it. Does it sound right to you? Does it help you understand yourself better? If they’re saying something about an area you could work on, could you imagine a way to do that? And for the areas they say are strengths, make sure you celebrate those! After all, feedback is not just about discovering areas to improve — it’s at least equally important that we know our strengths and keep building on them!